teamfourstarfandomcom-20200216-history
Saiyans? On My Planet? (It's More Likely Than You Think)/Transcript
DISCLAIMER KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. (Scene changes to outer space, where Vegeta and Nappa's Space Pods are seen arriving at Earth.) NAPPA: Are we there yet? VEGETA: (slightly annoyed) No. NAPPA: Are we there yet? VEGETA: (more annoyed) No. NAPPA: Are we there yet? VEGETA: (really annoyed) No! NAPPA: Are we there yet? VEGETA: (now irritated) NO! NAPPA: Are we there yet? VEGETA: (relieved) Yes. (Space Pods crash through a building and land in the middle of the road, forming two huge craters) NAPPA: Yaaay! SEQUENCE (scene cuts to Vegeta and Nappa landing on the street, in front of a group of shocked citizens) NAPPA: Hey look, Vegeta, more locals. (citizens are shown to be completely scared with most of them whimpering) CITIZEN: ....So, are you guys alien-- (Nappa destroys the entire city, leaving nothing but a gigantic crater) NAPPA: Ahhh, I hate awkward silences. VEGETA: Dammit, Nappa, think before you act! What if you’d have blown up one of the Dragon Balls? NAPPA: The what now, Vegeta? VEGETA: The Dragon Balls, Nappa. Don’t you remember our wish? (flashback of Goku talking to Raditz about the DragonBalls) GOKU: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them. They grant any wish you want-- like immortality? OOLONG: Or Bulma’s panties! (back to present) NAPPA: Yeah, pandas... VEGETA: You know what, Nappa? One of these days you’re going to die. Then you’ll be out of my hair forever. (caption appears at the bottom of the screen saying "Epic Foreshadowing") Now let’s just go. (Vegeta and Nappa fly off towards the Z-Fighters) (scene changes to a barren wasteland) PICCOLO: (senses the Saiyans' ki) Gohan, on your guard! They’re coming right towards us. GOHAN: But, why would they be headed our way? PICCOLO: They’re probably seeking to eliminate the strongest power level. GOHAN: (not catching on) ''But... my dad’s dead. '''PICCOLO:' (getting irate) I was referring to me! GOHAN: Oh, well by that logic, I suppose you would have the strongest power level on Earth. MR. POPO: (appears as a tiny speck on top of a faraway plateau) Hah! (Krillin arrives at the battlefield) KRILLIN: Hey, guys, Krillin’s here! PICCOLO: Oh, I thought I sensed someone else coming. Good, it seems you’ve increased your power since we last met. KRILLIN: I know! Isn’t it great? I-- PICCOLO: You’re almost as strong as Gohan now. KRILLIN: I-- Wait, b-but he’s only five... GOHAN: It’s because I’m a Saiyan! KRILLIN: Well, at least there’s only two of you. So, uh, how bad was the training with Piccolo? GOHAN: Well, the training wasn’t that bad. Mr. Piccolo’s actually really nice after you get to know him. (flashback of Gohan training with Piccolo) PICCOLO: Gohan, I’ve brought you a sparring partner for today. GOHAN: Really? Who? (scene cuts to Gohan getting chased by a dinosaur) (back to present) GOHAN: So how was your training, Krillin? (Krillin begins whimpering while Mr. Popo can be heard laughing and his eyes comes up behind Krillin.) KRILLIN: (breaking down crying) First rule of Popo’s training: Do not talk about Popo’s training! GOHAN: (puzzled) Krillin, why are you crying? KRILLIN: (voice starts breaking down) Second rule of Popo’s training... PICCOLO: Aw man, he’s already crying-- and the Saiyans aren’t even here ye-- NAPPA: Yeah we are! (Vegeta and Nappa has arrived at the battlefield as Mars: The bringer of War by Gustav Holst plays in the background) NAPPA: Hi. (Vegeta and Nappa land in front of the group) PICCOLO: So, you guys are the Saiyans? NAPPA: No. VEGETA: Don’t be rude, Nappa. KRILLIN: And you’re here for the Dragon Balls? NAPPA: No. VEGETA: ...We are. And I am the prince of all Saiyans! PICCOLO: You’re a prince? NAPPA: No. VEGETA: .....F**k you, Nappa. PICCOLO: So what do we call you? NAPPA: I am Nappa, and this is Vegeta. He was a prison... VEGETA: (interrupting) Shut up, Nappa! NAPPA: (whispering) ...bitch. VEGETA: (Through clenched teeth) Dammit, Nappa. NAPPA: (notices Piccolo) Oh look, Vegeta, it’s a Namekian. KRILLIN: Hey, I take offense to that. PICCOLO: He’s referring to me, you idiot. And it’s not an insult; the Namekians are a fine, proud race of-- NAPPA: That means he doesn’t have a penis, right Vegeta. (Piccolo stands gaping his mouth in shock as snickering from Krillin can be heard off-screen trying not to laugh) VEGETA: (Amused) Eunuchs. GOHAN: So what exactly does that make you, Mr. Piccolo? You survive mostly on water-- Does that make you a slug or a plant? PICCOLO: (trying to restrain his anger) Gohan, not now! GOHAN: And do you also conduct photosynthesis or do you--- PICCOLO & NAPPA: NEEEEEERD!!! GOHAN: Wait, what? (a couple of news helicopters arrive at the battlefield) MR. KENT: These are them, folks-- the terrible monsters who destroyed West City! Jimmy, hurry up and get a shot of the bald one. JIMMY: (looks at Nappa, Krillin, and Piccolo) Um, Which one, Mr. Kent? NAPPA: Look, Vegeta, the Paparazzi. I have to protect my image! (destroys a cargo robot) JIMMY: Oh, my God, he blew up the cargo robot! And the cargo was people! (the rest of the news helicopters leave) NAPPA: Good, now I’m gonna read their power levels, Vegeta. (Nappa uses his scouter to read Gohan, Piccolo, and Krillin's power levels, which reads 0.8 Raditz for Gohan, 1.1 Raditz for Piccolo, and 0.9 Raditz for Krillin) VEGETA: (removes his scouter) Nappa, don’t you understand? They can hide their power levels-- those readings are useless. NAPPA: (also removes his scouter) You mean like YouTube friends? VEGETA: Yes, and I have a better way of testing their power levels. Plant the Saibamen. NAPPA: (plants a seed at the ground) Yay! (six Saibamen erupt from the ground) NAPPA: Ta-da! PICCOLO: (shocked) Wha-what are those? VEGETA: They’re cultivated life forms. All with the same power level as Raditz. That’s right; he was so weak, we could actually grow Raditzes! NAPPA: But, Vegeta, then you have to worry about the Fraggles. VEGETA: Oh God dammit, Nappa, nobody’s going to get that. TIEN: (off-screen) As a matter of fact... (Tien and Chiaotzu arrive at the battlefield) TIEN: I did. VEGETA: (sarcastically) Oh, goody, more of them. Who the hell are you? NAPPA: Vegeta, look, more bald people, (looks at Krillin) the small one, (looks at Piccolo and Tien) the two tall ones, and-- (looks at Chiaotzu) Ah... Ah... Vegeta! Look, a Pokémon. CHIAOTZU: I’m not a Pokémon! I’m Chiaotzu! Chiaotzu! NAPPA: Did you hear that, Vegeta? It’s a Chiaotzu. (holds a Poké Ball) I’m gonna catch it! CHIAOTZU: I told you, I’m not a Poké-- (gets hit by a Poké Ball) OW! NAPPA: Awwww, it didn't work, Vegeta. VEGETA: That’s because you have to damage it first. NAPPA: Alright, let's see if I can get a critical! (Chiaotzu flinches in response; Yamcha arrives at the battlefield) YAMCHA: Hey, guys, I’m here now. KRILLIN: (joyfully) It’s Yamcha! YAMCHA: That's right-- don't worry, guys, we worked ourselves half to death with our training, so I know as long as we stick together, we'll take on these Saiyans, and WE WILL WI-- (Saibamen latches onto Yamcha and self-destructs. All that's left after the explosion is Yamcha's corpse.) KRILLIN: (off-screen) Yeah...! Woooo...! SEQUENCE STINGER (Nappa is naming the remaining five Saibamen, with an arrow pointing to the first four from right to left) NAPPA: And that one’s Snuggles, and that one’s Foofoo, and that one’s Cabbagehead, and that one’s Other-Cabbagehead, (shows a Saibamen struggling to get up) and that one’s Vegeta Jr. kills Vegeta Jr. NAPPA: Vegeta Jr., Nooooo! Category:DBZA Transcripts